Saturday, August 13, 2011

A glimpse of our friendship...

Dear Bryan,                                                                              Aug. 13, 2011

Greetings, my friend!  I hope this letter finds you recovering swiftly, both physically and spiritually.  You are in my thoughts daily, especially at 4 pm every day, when my cell phone chimes reminding me to say a little prayer for all of us.

Sorry to type this, but there is so much swirling around in my head that I want to share….I know you will read this in your auditory way, making it nice and slow :-) even if my fingers are flying across the keyboard.  LOL

I got a message from your mom confirming that she got your letter.  I have also exchanged many texts with Kristi, who sends her love to you and me.  Yvonne checks in regularly, she’s the only non-family person I have heard from (other than Trey), but she’s a keeper, that’s for sure. 

I also am very involved with ongoing efforts on behalf of everyone and have booked my ticket to San Francisco, CA.  I will spend 8 days working on location and of course be in Sacramento on 8/23 for the hearing.  If I get a chance to testify, in my limited allowed time my main comments will be on the 6 year inactive review process and the improper way you were revalidated based on the way your cell was searched and the use of insignificant items (drawings and poetry) and/or made up things (the card you allegedly sent) to deny you inactive status.  I will also mention that it was inappropriate that they recycled debriefing statements made by others from years past (prior to the current six years).  I will also mention the “By Pass” review injustice. I think others will hit on other various topics, this just feels like something I can speak about with confidence.  Having your paperwork gives extra power and validity to what I have to say…Thanks for the ammunition!  I will state that without changing a single policy, the situation would be better if the CDCR would just actually follow their six year inactive review process in good faith.

Personally, I am enthusiastically being represented by the premier nanny service in Seattle and they are setting up interviews with excellent families interested in having me start after Labor Day when school starts.  I’m very excited to be with a new family and am confident that the situation and compensation I choose will be first class.  So don’t worry about this remaining segment of time and small amount of resources I am spending with the rest of my summer.  You are worth it !!!  Also, little financial “miracles” keep showing up from unexpected sources.  I haven’t seen your $50 yet, but I know it is on the way, so don’t worry.

Sadly, on August 11, Todd had a serious self-harm incident necessitating another surgery.  I don’t have the specific details yet, other that it involved him pushing another  sharpened paperclip into his abdomen and he was again sent to the hospital for surgery to retrieve it.  At this point, two days later, I have confirmed that he is back at the prison facility in the infirmary, which means he is under observation and not in any real immediate danger.  Of course, possible infection and long-term repercussions of the cumulative effects of so many surgeries are always a concern.  It was particularly difficult to get this news on the six year anniversary of my friend Rusty’s suicide in Iraq (8/12).   I accept Todd’s ongoing struggle with his self harming issues. Even with this reality always present, families support each other...I can’t imagine abandoning him.    So don’t worry about me, I am in an accepting space and feel centered and strong.  All any of us have is one day at a time and it doesn’t help to stress too much about what the future may bring. 

Bryan, that is why you play such an important part in my life right now.  I really can’t share the day to day difficulties I have or express distressing feelings to him at this time as it might upset his mental balance.  His mental health counselor called me once asking that I not share news that might upset him, if possible.  I can do this because I have a support network of friends and now you as my emotional confidante.  I feel that you know me so well,  and we have established a friendship of such honesty and trust that I can rely upon you to support me as I go through the ups and downs of understanding his prison reality.  You are my only close friend who truly understands the effects of long-term incarceration and too many years in the SHU.  Just having you in my corner makes life easier.

At this point, I would like to restate that I understand that any choices you make that might put you in harms way are made thoughtfully with a clear mind.  I believe in the reasons for originally going on the HS, and will continue to walk with you on any path that your conscience tells you is right and just.  I am strong in my support for you, so don’t let your affection for me inhibit any choices you might make.  Don’t be concerned that my fears for you will be unbearable, God helps me in the face of all things.  Again, we only have one day at a time and as my friend, I will hold you dear for every day I have.. 

So, Bryan, it is time to close this long letter.  I know that I will be seeing you in person sooner or later, and until then keep your chin up and be strong,

Much love,

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